today is september 10th. 3 months ago our family lost a pretty significant part.
i can’t believe 3 months have passed since that horrible day that we lost Tania. Jason’s mom, Ben, Sam and Jack’s MawMaw. i still sit here today in total confusion, still wondering how it can be true. her laugh is still so resounding in my ears.
i was talking to the ben and sam today about their papas. they said “we have 2 papas” and i agreed with them. then they said, “we have 2 mawmaws”..i choked. and had to correct them. “no” i said. “you only have one” then they remembered that their absent mawmaw was gone. “mawmaw with jesus” sam said. then ben chimed in, “mawmaw got us new books!” and he was right. 3 months ago today tania had come over to babysit them and as most times had brought them presents.
3 new books.
That day we lost her, as i was leaving for my appointment i heard her reading from one of them. it was “where is spot”. and she was so animated looking for the infamous main character under every flap in the book. it was as if the item found under every piece of the board book was leaping out at them as they stared intently at every turn of the page.
as if the date wasn’t hard enough i thought about all the things that have happened in these 3 months that i know she would enjoy hearing…1st day of preschool, ben and sam mastering the english language, jack cutting 2 teeth, potty training stories (that is another blog). today jack sat up by himself. he can now sit and reach for toys, balancing and reaching everywhere. he also had a doctors appointment. his 24 week visit. he is 6 months today.
i would always call her and my mother to tell them the weigh in and all the facts. i sat in the lobby of the office waiting to be called with tears welling up, thinking about all these things. i know that i said i don’t share many “personal” and private things in these blogs, but she was so much to everyone.
i just thought it would be ok, just this once to break my rule…
Oak and Pines 
It is more than okay, it is so totally appreciated. Love you Jess!
*tears* My heart breaks for you and your family. *thinking about you and praying for you*
i have been overcome with emotion over her loss a few times the past couple of days. maybe subconsiously i realized it had been 3 months. 3 months has always been a really hard time for me when grieving. for me, i actually start realizing its real. after the intial grieving period, it still feels like a dream. but around 3 months reality sets in.
i miss her. but even more i miss her for you guys and your boys. every time i think about tania i’m reminded of us taking them to the waterpark last year. tania was making a complete fool of herself splashing in the water just to make sam and ben laugh and play! i saw her do the silly things for your boys! it always made me chuckle!
one thing my dad always does that means the world to me is to tell me stories about my mom or just how much she loved me! i know you and jason will do that for your boys so they will know just how absolutely wonderful their mama was!!!
i didn’t mean to write that much! sorry!
previous comment by erin not michael! obviously….
i got that…by the second sentence it was apparent. thanks erin…i always appreciate your insight on this.
I am typing through tears. Beautifully said! It is okay to break the rules. As you describe your precious memories, I can picture her sitting and reading to the boys. My boys love to hear stories about their memaw and granny. That is how they remember their grandmothers is with our funny stories and our laughter.
We love you guys and continue to pray for you.
I too hear that laugh and giggle and i think its alright to share some of our fond memories. She was more than a Pastors wife to many of us.